Legolas at School
by DarkHighElf113
Summary: Legolas is in my classes, and gets in trouble. BY DARK.
1. Legolas in Math Class

He loaded his pencil pouch, then dropped it.

"Ai Ai! A function is come!" he cried, running out of the room.

"Come back here, you overgrown, long haired--" the math teacher shouted, but Legolas stopped him mid sentence with a sharpened pencil.

The math teacher keeled over, with a pencil sticking out of his chest. The entire class gasped. Some children cried, some cheered, some were speechless, and a few took out pillows and fell asleep. The principal, who happened to be walking by, grew curious at the mixed sounds of cheering and crying coming from a math class room. She quietly walked in. Everything stopped, except for the sleeping children. They kept sleeping. Legolas stood up.

"What the hell did you do to him?" the principal screamed through her tears (she was having an affair with the teacher).

Legolas grew tired of everyone yelling at him, so he put a pencil through the principal too. The children were all awake, and stared at the sight, and went back to sleep.


	2. Legolas Suffers from Science

Legolas put his head on the desk, and fell asleep. That is all that he did through the class. Then, at the bell, he woke up and killed the teacher with a test tube.


	3. Legolas Plays Volleyball

The volleyball went over the net. Then, it fell from the sky. When Mary Sue went to retrieve the ball, an arrow was sticking from it! 

"LEGOLAS! ! !" she screamed.

There, on the other side of the gym, was Legolas, stroking his bow.

"Why did you shoot the volleyball? It was new!" scolded the gym teacher.

Legolas continued to play volleyball, shooting an arrow here and there. By the end of gym class, all the volleyballs, even the hard ones, were pierced with arrows, and Legolas was all out of arrows.

"Damn!" he shouted, about to pull his hair, but he restrained himself. Pulling his hair would have made it look bad.


	4. Legolas Paints

The paper had elvish, hair spray, hairbrushes, leaves, scrunchies, arrows, and hair-dye painted on it.

"Legolas, this is not what I meant by a poster. I wanted it to have a meaning, like an advertisement or announcement, and shut the fuck up girls at the back table!" the art teacher said.

"At least its abstract," Legolas said.

"BUT THIS ISN'T A PRE-SCHOOL COLLAGE! ! ! ! !"

"And so then I had a dream about earrings and a hot guy, and I woke up on top of a giant stuffed animal with my sheets all wrinkled," someone at the back table said.

Legolas had put up with them long enough, so he pulled out his daggers, the same ones he used at Helm's Deep, went over to the back table, and killed the people there. The art teacher was too unconscious to speak (snicker). Legolas took a paint brush and started painting with blood. He wrote some offensive stuff in elvish, and left when the bell rang.


	5. Legolas Suffers from the Asshole

Legolas now had to sit through American History with the asshole, as the teacher is called by some. Since Legolas didn't need to know about stupid American History (he already knew enough about the history of Valinor and Middle Earth) he decided to sharpen his daggers for several minutes, which made quite unpleasant sounds.

"Legolas, you have just wasted five minutes and three seconds of class, which will add to class time after the bell. Now please put those long knives back into your binder and write down the notes," the teacher said.

Legolas did as he was told, but then he started arranging his arrows in interesting patterns.

"You have just wasted another two minutes and twenty-two and a half second of class. Please put away any possible distractions and PAY ATTENTION, dammit."

Legolas again did as he was told and wrote down the notes with his wooden pen (made in Lothlorien!). But, his pen ran out of ink. So, he carved the paper with his dagger, and sometimes the dagger cut into the table.

"Please put away your weapon. You will have to replace the table." 


	6. English Time for Legolas!

Brett sits in front. Jake sits two seats behind Brett. Ashish sits in between them to the right. Steve sits on the left. There is a desk in the middle of them. Poor Legolas has to sit there, surrounded by dumb-asses. Legolas was not very pleased. They would always pass notes. Sometimes Legolas found the notes.

"The weird kid in front of me has ugly hair," Jake wrote one time.

"He's got funny ears," Brett replied.

"Sup my homies?" Ashish randomly asked.

"Duhhhh," Steve answered.

The four of them died one day, when Legolas became very angry with the notes. So he wouldn't get in trouble, he hid their dead bodies behind his bottle of hair gel that he brought everywhere.

"Can you teach us elvish grammar?" Legolas asked the teacher.

"I'm sorry, but I don't know elvish grammar. I do, however, know some elvish phrases. I will give you a printout at the end of class," the teacher answered, jumping around with excitement.

"Like I don't already know them?"

"By the way, where are the dumb-asses?" the teacher questioned.

"They're behind that bottle of hair stuff," an evil child answered.

Before she could accuse Legolas and throw pink stuff at him, an arrow was sticking out of her stomach, and she collapsed in her seat. The teacher was going crazy.

"In the books you're all nice and stuff!" the teacher cried.

"Well that was just Tolkien's opinion! Obviously he never met DarkHighElf113!"


	7. Buenas tardes, Legolas

"Buenas tardes clase" greeted the Spanish teacher.

"Elen sila lumenn omentilmo" replied Legolas (A star shall shine on the hour of our meeting.)

"RESPOND IN SPANISH, dammit! ! ! ! !" the teacher said.

The exhaled air from the Spanish teacher's mouth made Legolas's hair frizzy, causing him to pull out his bow.

"Lle naa curucuar," the teacher said to calm him down (You are a skillful bowman).

Thinking that the teacher actually liked him, Legolas stood up, and replied:

"Lle lava?" (Do you yield)

"NO!" the Spanish teacher yelled.

Legolas stood up, pulled out a dagger, and if you blinked, you opened your eyes to the sight of the teacher holding a dagger, challenging Legolas.

"Why the hell do you have a dagger with you?" one student asked.

"I knew this day would come. The day I have to fight a student," the teacher muttered, and they started fighting.

"Amin lava," the teacher sadly said after a few minutes, because she heard footsteps in the hallway (I yield.).

Legolas took over the Spanish class, and started teaching the elvish alphabet.

"Kwesse," he said.

"Kwesse," the class repeated.

The teacher had wasted the entire class annoying Legolas, so the bell rang a few minutes later, and school was over! 

  
  



End file.
